Hibachan Day

As I said before, Hibachan is a force to be reckoned with.  Powerful yet peaceful.  Loud but somehow quiet.  Inspirational without even knowing it.  She was amazing and will continue to be so.

Our adventure in Japan was also hers.  We will miss sharing it with her - through skype and photos and this blog.  She was our Fuji-san.

Hibachan - Feb 2011

Aug 2002 - The Grandmas after hiking a mile in the woods to our wedding - what commitment!

We finally had a free weekend that allowed the time and space we needed to have our Hibachan Day.  Kevin was able to go back to Chicago for Hibachan's service, but the rest of us could not.  So, a day doing all of Hibachan's favorite things was our way of saying Good-bye to our much-loved Hibachan.

We started with a short walk to Himonya Park - it's only about 5-10 minutes from our house.  Ryan and I bike through this park everyday, and I was biking there when I first allowed myself to truly cry  about losing Hibachan.   There is a dog petting area, and Hibachan loves dogs.  There is a small shrine on an island in the middle of a little pond, and tons of turtles scrambling to climb up on the sunning rocks.  And a playground - where she could have watched the rowboats in the water and the kids on the playground.  It's got a very local, neighborhood-y feel and it just feels like a place that Hibachan would like.  If she had come to visit, we would have probably come here several times.

Giving our Hibachan love to the white dog

... and the guinea pigs...

So, we came here on Hibachan Day.  First, we spent time with the dogs (and also the guinea pigs) and talked about how Hibachan loved dogs and was able to train them well.  We played with a white dog and talked about Hibachan's white dog, Yuki, and how that means "snow" in Japanese.

Then, we went to the playground, and the boys were all smiles on the swings.  Hibachan always insisted that we stop at a McDonald's with a playground after we picked her up from the airport.  We have yet to find a McDonald's with a playground in Tokyo, so a regular playground would have to do.

Reading the eulogy in front of the neighborhood shrine

Next, we walked across the small red, bridge to the local shrine and washed our hands to cleanse the bad spirits away.  It was also Hibachan who had taught the kids what to do at a Buddhist temple, so I always think of her when we visit a shrine or temple (which is quite often).  As we sat in front of the shrine, Kevin read Hibachan's eulogy that was written by Kei.  It was such a good representation of Hibachan's life.  Ethan, as always, had a lot of questions, and I think Hibachan would have liked that.  All four of us had written our own special messages to Hibachan, and after ringing the bell to call the gods, we each shared our message with Hibachan.  Ethan and Ryan were very intent on making sure that Hibachan got their letters, and they both were quite convinced that in heaven, there must be a bakery where Hibachan is baking cookies and if there is a bakery, then there must also be a post office.  We couldn't argue with their logic, so Kevin suggested that we burn the letters so that the smoke would carry the messages to Hibachan.  That seemed to make sense to them, so that became our plan for the evening.

After leaving the shrine, we paddled around the pond for a little bit to work up an appetite for the next part of Hibachan Day - shrimp tempura with udon!  To honor Hibachan's habit of taking the bus to work, we took a local bus to a nearby tempura udon restaurant that we had never tried before and that Kevin had found specifically for Hibachan Day.  Hibachan always ordered shrimp tempura with udon at her favorite Japanese restaurant in Skokie, so we did our best to recreate that experience.   After a short wait, we were seated in the small, simple restaurant and I immediately loved it.  An understated elegance yet there were kids and families there.  And the tempura udon was delicious and crisp and beautiful and quite affordable.  Hibachan would have approved.    And I'm quite sure we will be back to honor her again (and to eat tempura udon, of course).  We took our leftovers home, just as Hibachan would have done...

Yummm....

After taking the bus home, we began our afternoon of Hibachan projects.  First up was making inari zushi, as she first introduced us to inari zushi and the kids LOVE it.  Ethan crafted an inari zushi tower and decorated it with American and Japanese flags. Next was our first attempt at baking cookies in Japan.   We could only bake 6 cookies at a time in our toaster oven, so it was a long process - but well worth the wait!  The cookies were warm and gooey and delicious, and only lasted a few days.  Ryan crafted a chocolate chip cookie tower for Hibachan as well...

The Inari Zushi Tower

The COOKIE tower...

After nap-time, to remind us of Hibachan's love for reading, we all snuggled under the blanket that Hibachan made when Ryan was born and read Japanese stories together.  We read Hachiko, a Japanese story about a loyal dog named Hachiko whose master died unexpectedly while at work.  Every day for the next 10 years, Hachiko went to the train station in the afternoon to wait for his master to come home.  It is a story of love and loyalty - quite fitting for Hibachan.  We also read Dan's poem/letter to Hibachan and it was a fun, loving tribute to her and the legacy that she leaves throughout the family.

Hibachan snuggle and book time

That evening we built a small fire in the backyard and burnt our letters to Hibachan.

Ryan's letter

Ethan's letter - all about the sushi she should eat in heaven...

Sending our messages to Hibachan

As we watched the smoke slowly drift upward, we said good-bye and thank you to our much-loved Hibachan.  You will forever be a part of our past, present, and future.

In Tahoe - one of my favorite pics...

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Some of my favorite Hibachan memories:

- She always had an ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING:  While pregnant with Ethan, I was explaining to Hibachan the genuine struggle that Kevin and I were having figuring out what our children's last name should be.  Kevin and I both wanted our kids to have a connection with our families through their last name, and a solution was not evident.  As I was explaining the situation to Hibachan, I mentioned that I really really didn't like hyphenated names.  A few minutes later, Hibachan had the answer and said to me "OK, I understand all of that, so why don't you just use a dash instead?"

- She was TOUGH:  While visiting us in the summer of 2011, she stood for hours in the sun in 90+ degree weather watching Ethan's baseball camp.  When I suggested she move into the shade (where I was), she insisted that she could see better from her spot in the sun.

- She was PATIENT and LOVING:  I will never forget the hours and hours she spent playing "animal rescue" with the boys  - pulling up plastic animals tied to ace bandages from behind the sunroom couch for hours on end, always with a smile on her face.

Playing "animal rescue"

- She was incredibly GIVING and KIND:  During one of her visits, Kevin and I were preparing to go on a trip to Dominican Republic.  I had just bought a blue sundress and was showing it to her.  She quietly got up, walked to her room, and came back with a blue and silver beaded necklace (from the BeadHive, I'm quite sure).  She handed it to me, saying "this will look great with your blue dress."  I'm pretty sure tears came to my eyes then, just as they are now.

- She marched to the BEAT OF HER OWN DRUM:  She was the oldest of 12 siblings, all of whom had silver hair.  Yet, she dyed her hair jet-black and was proud of that.  I especially loved the white skunk stripe that appeared when she was just too busy to get around to dyeing her hair.

- She loved to READ and had NO FEAR OF TELLING IT LIKE IT IS: During one visit, she had borrowed some books to feed her reading habit.  At some point, we were all hanging out one evening and somehow, the fact that some of the borrowed books were a little on the raunchy side came up.   Hibachan's quote of the night: "I just skip the penis and vagina parts."  I did a double-take.  Did I really hear that correctly?  Seriously?  Soooo not what I was expecting from the mouth of my husband's hard-working, 90 year-old, Japanese-American grandmother.  Ah, but Hibachan always told it like it is.  She wasn't one to mince words...

- She was COLORFUL, in more ways than one:  I hope that when I'm 90, I wear the same bright colors that you always did.  Hot pink or turquoise or royal blue.  It always made me smile.

- She was FRUGAL and LOYAL:  I can't tell you how many times I bragged about "my husband's grandmother, who at 90 years old, is still working, and takes the bus to work, in Chicago."  My favorite story, though, is that Hibachan's work, Jewel, always gave her the day off for her birthday and so every year, she tried to plan her visits to come see us in February so that she wouldn't have to take an extra day off.   I told many a friend and acquaintance this story ending with "I always tell her, you're 90 years old, you should take a day off whenever the heck you want to."

- She was incredibly TALENTED and HARD-WORKING: She made so many things for the boys - from the heart with her own two hands.  The blankets for each of the boys when they were born.  Brightly colored, just her style.  Ethan's was hot pink and yellow and Ryan's was bright turquoise.  Plus the embroidered Ethan race car shirt (he STILL wears it today - it's one of his favorites), the fleece vest and pants (that both Ethan and Ryan wore for their 1 year old photos), the #1 Bochan shirts, and the never-ending mending projects she helped us with whenever she came to visit.

- She LOVED to LAUGH and PLAY HANA:  She bought us Hana cards and taught us to play but I'm pretty sure we weren't as much fun as the sisters.  I used to love listening to them laugh together.

- She was RIGHT ALMOST ALL OF THE TIME:  While making grilled cheese one day, she insisted that the ONLY way to make a good grilled cheese sandwich for the boys was for me to use butter and 4 pieces of cheese, because that's the way she made it for Kenny.