Jasmine - The Best Dog in the Whole Entire World

The kids were 1 1/2 weeks into the new school year, when we received an e-mail from Mickie that Jas was not doing well.  It was a rainy Sunday morning and luckily for us, the rain cancelled Ethan's all-day soccer tournament giving us the time and space we needed to talk to Mickie, make some very hard decisions, contemplate a trip to LA, and ultimately to book flights for me and the kids 4 days later.

Jas - April 2013

Months ago, I had decided that I wanted to go back to LA to be with Jas at the end.  Given how focused the kids were on seeing Jas this summer, we decided that they needed to be able to see her again as well.  As difficult as it was, it was the right decision for our family.  And for Jas.

It was hard when we told the kids that we were going to visit Jas.  We actually thought it would be easier.  We just told them that we got a message from Mickie and that Jas was having a hard time walking and so we were going to go visit her soon.  We were intentionally upbeat and positive and somewhat vague.  Ethan was all smiles for a minute and then it hit him and he said "just in case" and got all sad.  Ryan was all quiet and then burst out crying saying "this means it's time for Jas to die soon. When that happens, I don't want Jas to die."  Unfortunately, they had it / us figured out in about 30 seconds.  So, there were lots of tears shed and we tried to reassure them, but it was hard.  Really hard.  We knew the weekend in LA would be hard, too.  And it was.

Below is the story of our last weekend with Jas:

It was a bittersweet weekend, but Jas is now at peace.  

The kids and I arrived on Thursday afternoon, Mickie picked us up at LAX, and we went directly to her house to see Jas.  The kids were so excited to see her, and she seemed very excited to see us.  It was very difficult for Jas to walk and it was painful to watch.  But she showered us with licks and kisses...

We headed straight to Mickie's to see Jas...

The weekend was spent hanging out with Jas at Mickie's house - she liked sitting outside on the driveway or in the front yard on the grass - intermixed with distractions for both me and the kids.  We got to see Scott on Friday for a trip to Cold Stone Creamery, plus trips to both In-n-Out and Chipotle.  Oh yeah, plus cereal every morning, 3-D sidewalk chalk courtesy of Mickie, and using the big water shooters to play in Mickie's pool.  We skyped with Kevin so he could see Jas, and at one point, Ethan mentioned that he thought Jas seemed sad and not as excited as she used to be.  I had had the same thought just moments before...

Chilling by the pool

Fun with Jas...

Playing Go Fish

A chance for Uncle Scott to see Jas, and a welcome distraction for us all...

We spoiled Jas with treats, some that we brought with us from Japan and lots that Mickie had at her house.  Both boys were very attentive to Jas all weekend along. Plus, Jas got In-n-Out burger for breakfast one morning.

Oh yeaaaaahhhhhh...

Now, we're talking, this is some gooood breakfast...

Thanks, boys!  I owe you...

Every night, we had a slumber party on the living room floor.  Ethan and Ryan fell asleep each night snuggling with Jas.  The first 2 nights, Jas got up in the middle of the night and stumbled to another room to sleep by herself (I had to help her walk by holding a towel under her middle).  Mickie told me that she had read that dogs often want to be alone near the end, in order to protect their people.  On the first 2 nights, in the middle of the night, Ryan came to me on the couch, saying "Jas left so I can't snuggle with her, so can I snuggle with you?"  Broke my heart.

On our last night, as we went to bed, the kids lost it - crying and wailing, "I don't want Jas to die."  I reminded Ryan of what he said when we had to say goodbye to Jas when we moved to Japan.  He had said "It'll be OK, Jas.  We'll always love you.  I promise."  So, we said that again.  

Making a Jas paw print...

We hadn't told them anything specific, but they both had figured out quickly that the end was near.  As the night wore on, I waited and watched to help Jas move to another room like the previous two nights, but she never moved to get up.  I was afraid to move, fearing that it might spur Jas to want to get up. Finally, around 4 AM, I moved closer to Jas and she stared into my eyes, licked my face, and stayed very close for the next 2 hours.  It was a sad, special time for me and Jas.  Ethan woke up around 6 AM and joined our special snuggle time.  When Ryan woke up, the first thing he said was that he wanted to wear his Jas shirt.  So he did - in fact, we all did.  

Sporting our Jas t-shirts...

One last brushing before we head to the airport...

Late that morning, we loaded up the car and made a bed in the car for Jasmine.  I had to lift her into the car, as she could no longer jump up.  Then, Jas and Mickie drove us to LAX.  Jas seemed quite happy with her nose sticking out the open window as we drove along.  She alternated between having her head out the window and laying her head on my arm on the middle console.  Both boys fell asleep on the drive.  

Headed to the airport...

Three sweet, sleeping souls...

It was a long, painful, teary good-bye in the LAX parking lot - for all of us.  

After they left LAX, Mickie took Jas to L&L Hawaiian BBQ for lunch (one of Kevin's favorite places) and let her indulge.  They drove a little more, and then ended up at Jas's favorite park - it's only a mile from Mickie's house, but Jas had not been able to walk that far for quite some time.  At the park, Jas went to sleep, and with the help of a vet, she didn't wake up.  Mickie texted me as we sat on the plane at LAX, ready to take-off to Tokyo: "Jas is at peace.  She is beautiful."  I cried, and by the grace of someone from above, the kids didn't seem to notice.  Mickie later told me that she whispered to Jas to go find Murphy (Mickie's very special dog) and chase squirrels in Tahoe, and at hearing that, Jas twitched her nose.  It made us smile.  And then, Jas fell asleep in Mickie's arms.


Ethan has said that he wants to take Jas (her ashes) "to the river behind our house in Tahoe where she likes to play" and to "Papa and Rosie's dog tree at the cabin."  That will likely become part of our summer plans.  

Jas playing in the river behind our Tahoe house...

It will be hard for the kids - they have experienced a lot of loss this past year, but I think it helped that they got to say good-bye.  Ethan's teacher told me today that he cried at school this morning about Jas, and before we left, he was very direct in telling all his friends that he had to go to America to say good-bye to his dog because she was going to die soon.  I think that was part of his grieving process.

We made it home to Tokyo with no problems.  The flight was mostly OK, with only a few sadness/crying moments for each of the boys (and me).  We got home late that night, so the next morning, we told the kids that Jas had died.  We told them that she waited for her family to come see her, and after they dropped us off at the airport, Mickie took her to lunch at L&L, and then took her to the park.  There, she fell asleep and didn't wake up, happy to have seen her family again and happy to be in a place where she could run and play and jump again - like the Jas we have always known and loved.  

Jas passed away around 3 PM on Sunday, April 28, 2013.  She was 13 years old.  She was a special, special part of our family.  Kevin and I got her before we were married, and seeing Kevin with Jas is what made it clear to me that he would also be a phenomenal dad.  She was great with the kids, putting up with their antics, so gentle with them, and always, always, always looking out for them.   Over a year after we moved to Japan, I was still a little surprised at how much the kids still missed her.  I thought it would get easier over time.  I was wrong. Ryan would still wake up in the middle of the night crying that he wanted Jas.  And not long ago, Ethan had been working on an English workbook page that asked for the number of family members.  When Ethan answered 5, I gave him a funny look.  He gave me a funny look back, and his immediate response was "Jas is a member of our family. even though she doesn't live with us, she will always be a member of our family."  How right he is.  

It was as good a weekend as we could have asked for... but it was sad.  We lost a family member, but we are glad we got to say good-bye and spend her last days with her.  We will forever be immensely grateful to Mickie for taking care of Jas even better than we ever could.  Truly, truly grateful. And we will forever be grateful that Jas was such a wonderfully important part of our family.  We will love her forever.  

Jas and Mickie

From Ethan:

Jas was our first dog.

And she was our best friend.

She was the best dog ever!

Jas and Ethan in LA

The photo on the Jas T-shirt

From Ryan:

I don't want to say anything because that's going to make me sad.  She's the best dog in the whole entire world.

The photo on the Jas T-shirt

Ryan and Jas in LA

Our Tokyo Adventure - Here's to a Great Year #2

A new year, a new blog background... hope you like it.

Our second school year in Japan started in mid-April, and Papa and Rosie were still here to see the kids off on their first day of school.

We were all extremely excited to learn that both Ethan and Ryan had the same teacher as in year 1.  Both of their teachers, Iwazaki-sensei and Matsuoka-sensei, had expected to be transferred to different schools.  When school ended in March, neither of them had been told where they would be teaching in April and we had prepared the boys that they might not be their teachers next year.  Suffice it to say, both Ethan and Ryan were thrilled to have their same teachers for another year.

Ethan is now a 2nd grader (ni-nensei) and no longer has to wear the adorable yellow hat.  He was also chosen as the "sub-captain" of the Higashine second grade soccer team.  One item of note: he has definitely NOT yet learned the Japanese sense of humility.  After a recent game, the coach was reviewing the game with all the players and asked who they thought the best player of the game was? He does this after most games and I'm still trying to understand the value.  Anyway, Ethan calmly and confidently nominated himself as the best player for the game, and according to Kevin, he made some very valid points as to his strengths during the game.  Thankfully, the coach smiled - at least on the outside.

Ryan and the Himawari Class

Ryan is now a "senior" in yochien (nenchou) and has graduated to the Himawari (sunflower) class.  According to Ryan, being a Himawari means "now we can use a glue gun by ourselves, and now we can leave our nametags at school."  They still have to wear their nametags everyday, but they don't have to take them home everyday and remember to bring them back every morning, like they had to do when they were mere Tulips (the class name for the 4 year old class).  I'm still baffled by the fact that they have to wear nametags at all, but don't get me started.

And it is my own little act of rebellion that I "refuse" to wear my nametag everyday when dropping off and picking up Ryan.  Nearly every other mom does it, but I just can't make myself do it - if they don't know who I am by now, we have bigger problems than a nametag can fix.  This is clearly a "rebel without a cause" situation, but it makes me chuckle on the inside every single day so I keep doing it (or not doing it, as the case seems to be).  Ahhh, the freedom I feel... I just wish I could liberate them all.

I thought it would be easier this year, since we had been through it all once before.  That was wishful thinking and only about 50% correct.  I had forgotten about the THOUSANDS of forms we had to fill out last year.  And this year, it was probably only 999!  That's progress, right?

Since the beginning of the school year, I am finding that both boys seem to have crossed some sort of imaginary line of friendships.  Ethan is often playing at other kids' houses after school and Ryan has had friends from yochien at our house twice already (and honestly, I was a bit surprised that the moms entrusted their kids to me).  Maybe, everyone realizes that they're sticking around for a little while and so it's worth the investment in a foreigner friendship?

Ryan's playdate with his yochien friends - waiting at the bus stop to take them home...

It will also be interesting to see if our lives become so routine that blog posts become too boring to even write.  School, soccer practice, grocery shopping, playdates - these are not necessarily topics worthy of a blog post.  We'll do our best, but Year 2 may not bring as many "firsts" and novel insights.

Here's to a great year #2 - whatever it may bring!

Our One Year Anniversary in Japan: Individual Reflections on the past year

We arrived in Japan in February 2012, moved into our house in March, and the kids started school in April. Hard to believe that more than a year has passed already.

Over the past year, we have weathered the storm of change, enjoyed the thrill of new adventures, experienced the loss of loved ones, and been blessed by new friends and opportunities.

As we look back on our first year in Japan, we each have some thoughts to share.

Deep Thoughts from Ethan

I'm excited for the next Sports Day because during the last Sports Day, there is something that the moms and dads do, but my mom and dad didn't know how to do it, but now they know how to do it, so I'm excited.

When I first got to Japan, I felt like "What's all this different kind of writing I see all over the place?"  But now I know some of the Kanji characters and all of the hiragana and all of the katakana. 

My favorite part about Japan is getting to learn Japanese, not just because I'm excited, but I think that learning Japanese is kind of fun. 

My least favorite part about living in Japan is the Japanese toilet.  You have to squat to poop and sometimes I missed the toilet, and that was the hardest thing. 

About the food in Japan:  my favorite food is the pizza I make at Kidzania.

And what I like about our house is the phones that we can talk from room to room. 

What I miss most about America is pretty easy - my dog, Jasmine.  And good hamburgers.

Reflections from Ryan 

When we take pictures, I like to do "chiizu" but Ethan and Mommy don't like it so I just have to stop doing that.

My favorite food in Japan is sushi only.  My favorite kinds are tamago (egg), tako (octopus), and maguro (tuna).  But nooooooo wasabi!

My favorite thing about Japan is the electric sushi restaurant.

What I don't like about Japan is when the Hachiko statue place is really crowded because then I cannot see the Hachiko dog that well because the grown-ups are walking everywhere.

My favorite thing about yochien is that I don't need to learn with books and stuff - we only play and eat bento and do experiments and make art projects with a lot of tape.

Ponderings from Kevin

I feel like time has been flying by.  It is hard to believe that we have been here for over a year now.  One of the hardest transitions for all of us has been learning Japanese.  Even though the first 6 months was tough for the kids, they are doing great now.  I was hoping that my Japanese would be better after a year, but I still have moments where I have no idea what people are saying to me.  Fortunately, those times are becoming fewer and far between. 

So far I can’t really say that there is a lot that I miss from America.  Between a few trips back to the US for work and a few local places that remind us of home like a good burger place, L&L Hawaiian BBQ, Krispy Kreme, and the occasional care package or hand delivered care packages we manage to stay connected.  One thing that I am a bit surprised about is that I don’t really miss driving here in Japan.  Maybe we will start to miss more things over time, but for now, we are adjusting well. 

Musings from Stephanie

I think we waffle between "this is normal life now" and "we still can't believe we're actually living in Japan."

More than 10 years ago, before Kevin and I were married, we (and by "we", I really mean me, Stephanie) were  struggling a bit with what a life together might look like.  Kevin seemed firmly rooted in the Bay area, owned a house in the suburb-of-all-suburbs, Fremont, and had found Silicon Valley to be a good match for him. 

I, on the other hand, had turned down a job offer in Tanzania after living in Malawi for almost 5 years and had a hard time picturing the rest of my life in Fremont.  It seemed like almost incompatible visions for the future.  But, after many, many discussions (with a side dish of heartache), we made a deal.  This deal became our "unofficial prenup" and made a future together seem possible. We had a 3-point plan that looked like this:  

1) When our kids were young, we would move to Asia, preferably Japan, where Kevin would be the breadwinner, I would stay home with the kids, and the kids would be young enough to soak up a new language.  

2) After a few years in Asia, we would move to Africa for a few years, where I would be responsible for having the primary job and Kevin would have greater kid responsibilities.

3)  After the kids are out of the house (at age 18 in our "grand plan"), Kevin and I would join the Peace Corps as "mature" volunteers and share the Peace Corps experience.

To be honest, we were talking out of our matakos (ChiTumbuka word for the rear end).  We had no plan as to how we were going to make this happen and no real idea if it ever could.  But it gave me hope and opened my mind and heart.  Not too long after that, Kevin and I were engaged and 4 months later, we were married.  

And here we are, 10+ years and 2 kids later, and we are actually living the first part of the dream we created for ourselves and our family such a long time ago.  Sometimes, we still can't quite believe it.  We look around and think "how in the Hades did this happen?  How did we pull this off?"  In the interest of full disclosure, it was no smooth road getting here.  The year before we moved was an incredibly frustrating on-again-off-again-are-we-moving-are-we-not-will-it-be-Taiwan-or-Japan-or-China-or-nowhere-at-all?  

But, we're here now and this is, indeed, our life.  It becomes more and more normal each passing day.  We are enjoying the adventure together, as a couple and as a family.  It is not without its challenges, that's for sure.  But, it is a challenge we chose.  And it is a gift to each of us, for which we will always be grateful.  

Random, Randomer, and Randomest Reflections

I'm trying to clean out my blog Drafts folder so that we can make this into our "Family's First Year in Japan" Scrapbook.  So please excuse the randomness of the next few posts... and my apologies if I've already written about these topics at some point over the past year...

Kid Quotes from the beginning of our adventure

• Way way back in the Fall of 2011, when we first told the kids we were moving to Japan, Ethan's first comment was "We should bring a GPS." [Ryan's first comment, on the other hand, was "Are there vegetables there?"]  Ethan couldn't have been more correct.  We would be lost without the GPS on our phones, and the Japanese system of addresses doesn't make it any easier.  More on that later.

• While walking down the street in our first week in Tokyo, Ryan spots an anime poster and says "Look! It's a Japanese Chuck E. Cheese."  Made Kevin and me laugh.  

• And Ethan quite astutely asked "why is it so quiet here even though there are so many people?"  I had the exact same question and no good answer. We were astounded by the silence.

• How could a city of 13 million people be so incredibly quiet?  On the trains, on the streets, and get this - even on the playgrounds.  How is it that only OUR kids were making noise?  Seemed like "normal" kid noise to us, but apparently we are the only "normal" ones.  Ahhhh yes, our new "normal" in which we are forever telling the kids to not talk so loud.  We try to limit that to trains and quiet streets, but playgrounds are fair game.  You just can't expect me to ask my kids to be quiet at a playground, for pete's sake...

• As Ryan reached out to try a new button on the toilet in our hotel, Ethan said "Going potty should not be like playing a video game." 

• Below is a short video from August 2012 that Ethan recorded while we were goofing around and reflecting on our first 6 months in Japan.  Enjoy! [Note:  I am having some problems uploading the video, but I will keep trying.]

The "interesting" system of Japanese addresses

Apparently, house numbers in Tokyo are determined in chronological order of WHEN the house or building was BUILT.  Why, of course!  That makes perfect sense and makes it soooo easy to find places - all you need to know is the year that every house on a particular city block was built, order them chronologically, and then you should be able to find the right house number.  Good luck with that!

So, breaking down a hypothetical address in our neighborhood (because I don't want to post our real address on-line for fear of more fan mail than we can handle - and again, I jest): 6-14-9 Kakinokizaka.

Kakinokizaka, which means "Persimmon Tree Hill," is the name of our neighborhood (not our street, which, like most streets in Japan, has no street name).  The "6" is that we live in the sixth section of the Kakinokizaka neighborhood (or 6-chome).  The "14" is the block number, and the "9" is the 9th house built on our block.  Our block, like most, encompasses 4 different streets and includes houses (like ours) that are actually set in the middle of the block and don't actually face any street at all.

We are still puzzled by the fact that our next-door neighbor has the EXACT same address as we do and that seems perfectly fine to everyone else but somewhat confusing to us.  We received a letter once from someone in the US who had written the address correctly but had forgotten to write our names on the envelope, so the mailman rang the bell and had to check that it belonged to us (since our neighbors have the same address) before he could deliver it.

More Toilet Talk

So, you've heard about the super-duper fancy toilets that the kids liken to video games and the traditional Japanese squat toilets, but here are 3 more toilet tidbits for the record books.

See the "music note" button - that's for the flushing sound...

1.  Apparently, Japanese women are so uncomfortable with others hearing them while in a public restroom that there are "noise machines" in many women's stalls to mask personal bathroom sounds.  You simply press a button on the wall - so far, I've seen options for music and also the sound of the flush (but with no real flushing action).

2.  I looooooove the toilet instruction signs.  They crack me up every time.  I'm pretty sure I have the funny bone of a 10 year old boy...

The buttons: Cleanse, Bidet, Flushing SOUND,
Adjusting the volume, Adjusting the water pressure, Power deodorizing (!)

Proper foot and oshiri placement using a Western toilet

Proper foot and oshiri placement using a Japanese toilet

"Lavatory - It has separated to the male and the woman.  Don't mistake."

3.  Now this next one is TTB (Total Toilet Brilliance).  Prepare yourself to be astounded.  Almost as good as the heated toilet seats, but not quite.  We have this at our house, so don't all rush over at once.  When you flush the toilet, before the clean water fills the toilet tank, it comes through a faucet on the back of the toilet, so that you can wash your hands in the clean water before it goes into the toilet tank.  Now, that's some smart water usage... way to go, Japan!

Personal Victories... and ummmm, well, the opposite of that...

Some of these go way back to start of our Tokyo Adventure, while others are more recent .... here goes:

• I continue to be proud that we have not yet had recycling or trash returned to our front porch for not doing it right.  It's the small victories that must be celebrated - simple as that.  For the first several months, I lived in fear of returning home to find our recycling sitting in front of the door.  That said, I did get "politely informed" by a neighbor that all the labels must be removed from the bottles first (to be fair, the labels were marked with the recycling symbol so I thought I was doing it the right way, but apparently, the labels must be removed and recycled separately).  

• One of my greatest personal victories thus far was, only a few weeks into our life here, figuring out how to open a bank account at the post office to pay for Ethan's school lunch.  Woo-hoo for me!

• Though I miss breakfast cereal, I downright crave hot rice with seaweed sometimes.  It's like an addiction.  And I sooooo look forward to the lunch break during my 4 hour Japanese class on Tuesdays because I get to buy onigiri (rice balls wrapped in seaweed) at the corner convenience store.  Then again, I also have to stand there in the middle of the store with my dictionary looking stuff up so I know what kind of onigiri I'm getting...

• Ahhh, the irony of it all.  After all my smart-aleck comments about the Japanese uber-love of jan-ken-po (rock, paper, scissors), I ended up winning the jan-ken-po TOURNAMENT in Ethan's school - in front of everyone, in the gym, it was embarrassing.  [For the record, I can actually see the value of it for kids on the playground or something, but I have yet to see why adults use it so often - seems like conflict resolution or basic communication skills are missed in grade school such that rock-paper-scissors becomes a tool used even by adults?  Or something like that...]

• A humorous visit to the local koban (small police outposts that are scattered throughout the city) to ask if anyone had turned in a stuffed animal leopard that fell out of Ryan's backpack as we walked home from the train station.  We noticed it as soon as we got home so it could not have been missing for more than 15 minutes, because we retraced our steps immediately several times.  So that was fun - trying to tell a Japanese policeman that we lost a leopard and not being able to tell him where we lost it because there are no bloody street names, even though I knew our exact route where it was lost.  Fabulous fun that was.  Buuuut, it's Ryan's favorite toy and I felt so guilty because I told him to put it in his backpack so he wouldn't lose it and then well, somehow his backpack came unzipped and it fell out (because of course it can't be zipped all the way because Baby Leopard has to be able to breathe and see out).  Ryan took it pretty well - he keeps calling Leopard on the phone (and saying Moshi moshi which is how you answer the phone in Japanese - it's pretty cute) and apparently Leopard explained to him that he jumped out of the backpack to play with a white cat and now he he can't find his way home and he's trying to use his friend's GPS to get home.  Anyway - waaaay more details than you needed about our missing stuffed animal in Tokyo!  I did lose a little faith in Japanese humanity on this one - everyone says how honest the Japanese are and you often see "lost items" displayed on a bush or fence for the owner to come back and claim.  But, in our case..... this was a rather large stuffed animal, it could not have been on the sidewalk more than 15 minutes, it was clearly a much-loved child's toy, and yet, someone may have decided to take it home.  Alas...

• The Red Slippers of Shame, sort of like the Scarlet Letter, Japanese style.  Ryan's yochien has a whole cabinet filled with red slippers for visitors to wear inside the yochien.  But let it be known, this is the tell-tale sign that a mom either a ) didn't actually know or understand about this most "important" yochien parent meeting, or b) has forgotten her own special, cute, sparkly slippers.  Ummm, let's just say that these red slippers and I have a close relationship.  

• Summer Olympics 2012:  Let's just say that it was a different experience to watch the olympic broadcast in a foreign country. I swear there was more judo and table tennis than I thought could EVER be possible.  But once again, as a non-Japanese in Japan, I was wrong.   It was indeed possible.  

• Not to mention our opening ceremonies debacle. Goes something like this. We finally bought a TV a few weeks before the opening ceremonies for the express purpose of watching the Olympics.  Anyway, the Friday night before the Olympics started, we watched (read:endured) the BBC countdown to the Opening ceremonies.  If I had to see that silly 3 minutes of bell-ringing again, I might swat someone on the behind with a big ol' brass bell.  I looked up the start time on-line, 5 AM Saturday morning Japan time.  So, I wake the kids up at 4:45 AM on a Saturday in the middle of the summer, turn on BBC, and what are they broadcasting?  Well.....they ARE broadcasting live from London, but all they are showing is people in London watching the opening ceremonies on big-screen TVs.  Add to the irony that they report about 759 times that "over ONE BILLION people are watching the opening ceremonies live on TV around the world."  And guess what?  I am not one of them!  I was so freakin' annoyed with BBC.  I mean, seriously, what the freak?  Now, I'm sure there are tons of places in the Japanese media where it tells people (who can read Japanese) exactly what time the Opening Ceremonies are being broadcast on the Japanese channels.  Too bad for me.  And I feel waaaay too guilty to ask my kind Japanese friends for help with the TV - school stuff, yes - how to get somewhere, sure - if what I've just bought is bug spray or am I about to slather my kids with rat poison or something, ok... but I tried to draw the line at TV.  Until this most frustrating opening ceremonies experience, after which I asked 3 different sources about when the US-Japan women's soccer would be broadcast - I had learned my lesson and I was NOT going to get up at 3:45 AM to watch it live.  Well, I should have, because somehow all my information was not correct... I planned my day around an 8:15 AM soccer game - only to find a) that the game wasn't on and b) while trying to find the game, I accidentally see a report of who won.  ARRRGGGHHHHH!

• Telling Kevin that I liked my stomach, when I was trying to say I'm hungry.  We have an ongoing debate about who is/was right, but either way, I spent several weeks racking my brain trying to remember if I had said that to anyone else...

• Despite my pre-conceived notions of Japan, efficiency and logic do not always seem to be particularly important elements of life here...Here is an example of the beginning of the school year for yochien:  
• On Monday, yochien started at 9:15 am.  
• On Tuesday, yochien started at 9:15 am.  
• It's now Wednesday morning: I've written in my calendar that, on Wednesday, yochien starts at 8:50 and a parent meeting starts at 9:15 am.  
• On Thursday, I've written in my calendar that yochien starts at 8:50 am.  
• On Friday, I've written in my calendar that yochien starts at 8:50 am. 
• I double-check my calendar.  Clearly, my calendar must be wrong.  Clearly I must have misunderstood.  Why would they start school at 8:50 am only to have all the parents (read:moms) wait around for 25 minutes for a parent meeting to start at 9:15, when every other day of school started at 9:15?  That makes no sense.  So I check my calendar again and conclude that I must be wrong as that makes no sense.  I'm pretty confident about my own mistake so on Wednesday, I drop Ryan off at school at 9:15 am and I'm prepared (read: I remembered to bring my indoor slippers) for my parent meeting to start at 9:15 as well.  Except that when we get there, all of the other kids have been there for 25 minutes and all the moms are waiting around for the meeting to start.  Uhhhh.... I was a tad annoyed, to say the least, that I had been outwitted by my own logic and lack of confidence.
• See picture below.  Ummm, why would you bother writing "Information" in English when all the information is actually in Japanese?  Am I missing something here?  I see this kind of sign ALL the time...

The Beauty in the Everyday 

Japan is a place where beauty is paramount, even in everyday life.  

Bento boxes (not mine, mind you) are amazingly vibrant in color, texture, and arrangement.  

Restaurant meals are ornate, multi-dimensional, and exquisite.

Joggers look like they just stepped out of a fitness fashion magazine.

And my personal favorite, manhole covers that could be considered art...

At Lake Yamanaka, at the base of Mt. Fuji

In Nara, the town of temples, shrines, and deer

In our own little neighborhood...

How we get around....

At the beginning, everyone asked us when we were going to get a car.  Most of our friends here seem to have them, but from what we can tell, people only use them occasionally on weekends.  So, we've remained car-free and are quite happy about it.  It would be nice to have a car to make the occasional trip to Costco (yes, there's Costco in Japan, but not very close to us), but we've survived just fine!

Ethan walks the 1 km to and from school by himself (along with every other Japanese first-grader - the kids walk to school by themselves and many, many even take the train solo).  Blows my mind, but seems to work just fine.  

Trains and Buses

We can get just about anywhere we need to go by train or bus.  Thank goodness for English signs, yet we still somehow manage to be on the wrong train every once in a while! Much of the problem seems to stem from the different types of trains - there are rapid express, commuter express, limited express, express, and local.  Only express and local trains stop at our stop, so when you're running onto the platform to try and catch the train before the doors close and you don't have time to wait for the signs to switch to English to see what kind of train it is, there's only a 40% chance that it's the train we want... we play the odds quite often and rarely win.

Our train-travelling boys...

Taking the bus to yochien on a rainy day...

The Mamachari Bike

This is our main ride - the mamachari bike, translated as the mother's chariot.  The Japanese are downright brilliant when it comes to their bike accessories.  First of all, almost all the moms have "electric assist" bikes.  When we're huffing and puffing up the big hills and these tiny little Japanese moms blow right past us, while carrying multiple kids and about 17 bags, I'm jealous - I'll admit it.  Luckily, Ryan has learned to spot the electric batteries and he always has a kind comment that makes me feel better when we're the slowest one going up the hill.

Oh yeah, not to mention, that I get only about 70% leg extension.  And this was the biggest bike we could find (though we didn't look that hard and we didn't want to spend much money - we'd do that differently if we had to do it over again).

The Japanese also "pimp their rides" with such things as umbrella holders that is mounted on the handlebar so as to keep the rider dry in the rain (I really need to get one of these) and built-in gloves (which may be as much for sun protection as for cold weather, because I see people using them in all seasons) or super-slick rain covers that protect the front basket and/or the child seat.   It is not uncommon to see a mom on a bike with THREE kids - one in a child seat on the back, one in a child seat on the front, and one in an ergo on the mom's back.  Wowza.  They also have built-in locks; when the bike is unlocked, the key is inserted and when you lock the bike, you take the key out and take it with you.  How convenient is that...

I will say this, bike parking can be a problem, especially near the shopping areas and the train stations.

Child seat on the front and child seat on the back.  Both child
seats also convert into baskets...

Electric assist bike with the built-in gloves...

Tight bike parking...

Catalogue of Kindness

People have been so incredibly kind to us.  Beyond kind.  There is simply no way for me to capture in a blog post all of the kindness we have received from our new friends in Japan.  But, here are a few that stand out over the past year...

• One morning, as the neighborhood moms stood on the street corner to send our first graders off to school, I asked if anyone knew about any nearby judo classes.  I was just curious if someone knew anything off the top of their heads.  That same afternoon, a mere 4 or 5 hours later, one of the moms hands me a plastic folder filled with printed information about the only judo class she could find.  She had printed out a map showing me how to get there, she had written some English translation in the margins, and she explained it all to me.  After asking a seemingly innocent question, this friend took it upon herself to research the topic for me within a few hours.
• I was having lunch with some of the neighborhood moms one day, and they asked me how Ethan was doing in school.  It had been a difficult past few weeks in terms of Ethan feeling like kids were teasing him because he's American.  Ethan and I had talked through it over and over, he was doing all the "right" things, and I didn't have any other answers.  So, at that moment, during lunch, my eyes welled up with tears.  Not my proudest moment, for sure.  But, the lunch ended, I had to go pick up Ryan from yochien, and all was over, or so I thought. I had no idea that one of the moms left the lunch, went home, called Ethan's teacher to tell her that she was on her way to school to talk to her, and was at the school 30 minutes later, explaining to Ethan's teacher the issue that I had mentioned at lunch.  I had no idea she would be so proactive with her kindness.  We are good friends now.
• One day, I made the "mistake" of asking a friend if she had any hotel recommendations in Kyoto.  She didn't but instead she offered us use of her parents' time-share type hotel near Mt. Fuji.  Seriously, all I asked for was a hotel recommendation - not access to a 5 star hotel with great views of Mt. Fuji.
• On my birthday, I came home to find a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers from one friend and homemade birthday cookies from another friend.  And the thing is - I don't even remember telling them when my birthday was.
• A friend wanted to explain something about the kids at school, but she knew that I probably wouldn't understand in Japanese and she was not able to explain in English.  Soooo, she wrote me a letter in Japanese, had a friend in Singapore translate her letter into English, and then she gave me the translated letter for me to read on the street corner one morning to make sure I understood.  That was a lot of work on her part to make sure I understood a relatively small issue.  
• On Halloween night, our neighbor rang the bell at 7 pm and said to us "I just got home.  Please come trick or treat at my house."  From what we could see, there is NO trick or treating in Japan, and yet this neighbor knew of the tradition and went out of her way to make sure the kids got to go trick-or-treating to at least one house. 
• We have other friends whose kindness is felt every single day that I can't even begin to write it all down.  But I feel it.  

My fancy dancy birthday cookies that appeared on my doorstep...the pink hearts spell out my name.

Hibachan Day

As I said before, Hibachan is a force to be reckoned with.  Powerful yet peaceful.  Loud but somehow quiet.  Inspirational without even knowing it.  She was amazing and will continue to be so.

Our adventure in Japan was also hers.  We will miss sharing it with her - through skype and photos and this blog.  She was our Fuji-san.

Hibachan - Feb 2011

Aug 2002 - The Grandmas after hiking a mile in the woods to our wedding - what commitment!

We finally had a free weekend that allowed the time and space we needed to have our Hibachan Day.  Kevin was able to go back to Chicago for Hibachan's service, but the rest of us could not.  So, a day doing all of Hibachan's favorite things was our way of saying Good-bye to our much-loved Hibachan.

We started with a short walk to Himonya Park - it's only about 5-10 minutes from our house.  Ryan and I bike through this park everyday, and I was biking there when I first allowed myself to truly cry  about losing Hibachan.   There is a dog petting area, and Hibachan loves dogs.  There is a small shrine on an island in the middle of a little pond, and tons of turtles scrambling to climb up on the sunning rocks.  And a playground - where she could have watched the rowboats in the water and the kids on the playground.  It's got a very local, neighborhood-y feel and it just feels like a place that Hibachan would like.  If she had come to visit, we would have probably come here several times.

Giving our Hibachan love to the white dog

... and the guinea pigs...

So, we came here on Hibachan Day.  First, we spent time with the dogs (and also the guinea pigs) and talked about how Hibachan loved dogs and was able to train them well.  We played with a white dog and talked about Hibachan's white dog, Yuki, and how that means "snow" in Japanese.

Then, we went to the playground, and the boys were all smiles on the swings.  Hibachan always insisted that we stop at a McDonald's with a playground after we picked her up from the airport.  We have yet to find a McDonald's with a playground in Tokyo, so a regular playground would have to do.

Reading the eulogy in front of the neighborhood shrine

Next, we walked across the small red, bridge to the local shrine and washed our hands to cleanse the bad spirits away.  It was also Hibachan who had taught the kids what to do at a Buddhist temple, so I always think of her when we visit a shrine or temple (which is quite often).  As we sat in front of the shrine, Kevin read Hibachan's eulogy that was written by Kei.  It was such a good representation of Hibachan's life.  Ethan, as always, had a lot of questions, and I think Hibachan would have liked that.  All four of us had written our own special messages to Hibachan, and after ringing the bell to call the gods, we each shared our message with Hibachan.  Ethan and Ryan were very intent on making sure that Hibachan got their letters, and they both were quite convinced that in heaven, there must be a bakery where Hibachan is baking cookies and if there is a bakery, then there must also be a post office.  We couldn't argue with their logic, so Kevin suggested that we burn the letters so that the smoke would carry the messages to Hibachan.  That seemed to make sense to them, so that became our plan for the evening.

After leaving the shrine, we paddled around the pond for a little bit to work up an appetite for the next part of Hibachan Day - shrimp tempura with udon!  To honor Hibachan's habit of taking the bus to work, we took a local bus to a nearby tempura udon restaurant that we had never tried before and that Kevin had found specifically for Hibachan Day.  Hibachan always ordered shrimp tempura with udon at her favorite Japanese restaurant in Skokie, so we did our best to recreate that experience.   After a short wait, we were seated in the small, simple restaurant and I immediately loved it.  An understated elegance yet there were kids and families there.  And the tempura udon was delicious and crisp and beautiful and quite affordable.  Hibachan would have approved.    And I'm quite sure we will be back to honor her again (and to eat tempura udon, of course).  We took our leftovers home, just as Hibachan would have done...

Yummm....

After taking the bus home, we began our afternoon of Hibachan projects.  First up was making inari zushi, as she first introduced us to inari zushi and the kids LOVE it.  Ethan crafted an inari zushi tower and decorated it with American and Japanese flags. Next was our first attempt at baking cookies in Japan.   We could only bake 6 cookies at a time in our toaster oven, so it was a long process - but well worth the wait!  The cookies were warm and gooey and delicious, and only lasted a few days.  Ryan crafted a chocolate chip cookie tower for Hibachan as well...

The Inari Zushi Tower

The COOKIE tower...

After nap-time, to remind us of Hibachan's love for reading, we all snuggled under the blanket that Hibachan made when Ryan was born and read Japanese stories together.  We read Hachiko, a Japanese story about a loyal dog named Hachiko whose master died unexpectedly while at work.  Every day for the next 10 years, Hachiko went to the train station in the afternoon to wait for his master to come home.  It is a story of love and loyalty - quite fitting for Hibachan.  We also read Dan's poem/letter to Hibachan and it was a fun, loving tribute to her and the legacy that she leaves throughout the family.

Hibachan snuggle and book time

That evening we built a small fire in the backyard and burnt our letters to Hibachan.

Ryan's letter

Ethan's letter - all about the sushi she should eat in heaven...

Sending our messages to Hibachan

As we watched the smoke slowly drift upward, we said good-bye and thank you to our much-loved Hibachan.  You will forever be a part of our past, present, and future.

In Tahoe - one of my favorite pics...

*********************************************************************************

Some of my favorite Hibachan memories:

- She always had an ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING:  While pregnant with Ethan, I was explaining to Hibachan the genuine struggle that Kevin and I were having figuring out what our children's last name should be.  Kevin and I both wanted our kids to have a connection with our families through their last name, and a solution was not evident.  As I was explaining the situation to Hibachan, I mentioned that I really really didn't like hyphenated names.  A few minutes later, Hibachan had the answer and said to me "OK, I understand all of that, so why don't you just use a dash instead?"

- She was TOUGH:  While visiting us in the summer of 2011, she stood for hours in the sun in 90+ degree weather watching Ethan's baseball camp.  When I suggested she move into the shade (where I was), she insisted that she could see better from her spot in the sun.

- She was PATIENT and LOVING:  I will never forget the hours and hours she spent playing "animal rescue" with the boys  - pulling up plastic animals tied to ace bandages from behind the sunroom couch for hours on end, always with a smile on her face.

Playing "animal rescue"

- She was incredibly GIVING and KIND:  During one of her visits, Kevin and I were preparing to go on a trip to Dominican Republic.  I had just bought a blue sundress and was showing it to her.  She quietly got up, walked to her room, and came back with a blue and silver beaded necklace (from the BeadHive, I'm quite sure).  She handed it to me, saying "this will look great with your blue dress."  I'm pretty sure tears came to my eyes then, just as they are now.

- She marched to the BEAT OF HER OWN DRUM:  She was the oldest of 12 siblings, all of whom had silver hair.  Yet, she dyed her hair jet-black and was proud of that.  I especially loved the white skunk stripe that appeared when she was just too busy to get around to dyeing her hair.

- She loved to READ and had NO FEAR OF TELLING IT LIKE IT IS: During one visit, she had borrowed some books to feed her reading habit.  At some point, we were all hanging out one evening and somehow, the fact that some of the borrowed books were a little on the raunchy side came up.   Hibachan's quote of the night: "I just skip the penis and vagina parts."  I did a double-take.  Did I really hear that correctly?  Seriously?  Soooo not what I was expecting from the mouth of my husband's hard-working, 90 year-old, Japanese-American grandmother.  Ah, but Hibachan always told it like it is.  She wasn't one to mince words...

- She was COLORFUL, in more ways than one:  I hope that when I'm 90, I wear the same bright colors that you always did.  Hot pink or turquoise or royal blue.  It always made me smile.

- She was FRUGAL and LOYAL:  I can't tell you how many times I bragged about "my husband's grandmother, who at 90 years old, is still working, and takes the bus to work, in Chicago."  My favorite story, though, is that Hibachan's work, Jewel, always gave her the day off for her birthday and so every year, she tried to plan her visits to come see us in February so that she wouldn't have to take an extra day off.   I told many a friend and acquaintance this story ending with "I always tell her, you're 90 years old, you should take a day off whenever the heck you want to."

- She was incredibly TALENTED and HARD-WORKING: She made so many things for the boys - from the heart with her own two hands.  The blankets for each of the boys when they were born.  Brightly colored, just her style.  Ethan's was hot pink and yellow and Ryan's was bright turquoise.  Plus the embroidered Ethan race car shirt (he STILL wears it today - it's one of his favorites), the fleece vest and pants (that both Ethan and Ryan wore for their 1 year old photos), the #1 Bochan shirts, and the never-ending mending projects she helped us with whenever she came to visit.

- She LOVED to LAUGH and PLAY HANA:  She bought us Hana cards and taught us to play but I'm pretty sure we weren't as much fun as the sisters.  I used to love listening to them laugh together.

- She was RIGHT ALMOST ALL OF THE TIME:  While making grilled cheese one day, she insisted that the ONLY way to make a good grilled cheese sandwich for the boys was for me to use butter and 4 pieces of cheese, because that's the way she made it for Kenny.

And the winner is.....

So, you probably thought we had forgotten, but we've been so inundated by contest entries that it has taken us almost 2 months for us to announce the winner of "The Great Guess What This Is Contest."  (I'm exaggerating a little bit on the number of contest entries part.)

Answers included:

• Candy, either soft taffy or hard candies - from Ruth
• Eggs??? - from Iris
• Cookie dough - this was from Hibachan, of course, who worked as a baker baking cookies until right before her death
• Hard-boiled egg, with the white and yellow separated - guess #1 from Grandma
• Erasers - guess #2 from Grandma
• Kamaboko (fish cake) - guess #3 from Grandma
• A whole bunch of answers from Rosie, who eventually did get the right answer, but with the added advantage of playing 20 Questions to try and figure it out AND having eaten the "right answer" for the first time that very same day (Papa and Rosie were visiting during the contest).  

And the correct answer is ..... FISH CAKE!  The judges, Ethan and Ryan, have ruled Grandma the winner even though it took her 3 guesses.  A highly coveted prize (not to include kamaboko) will be coming your way...

To be honest, we had no idea what they were either.  I bought them because they were festive and cute, and for some strange reason, I was hoping it was polenta or something of that sort (wishful thinking, for sure).  Needless to say, we were surprised too, but this is par for the course for us these days.  It's like Christmas everyday here, a surprise around every corner, never quite sure what we're going to get...

From Ethan:  It would have been really easy to guess if you had been able to taste it, because I had a tiny, tiny piece and I knew right away "this tastes like fish."